5 Steps to Overcoming Anxiety and Fear
What’s the trick to overcoming fear and anxiety? Well, warriors, I’d love to be able to share some quick wellness-coach-wisdom that instantly removes the anxiety and fear from your life, but unfortunately, that secret does not exist. There is no quick fix to overcoming fear and anxiety. It’s an aspect of your healing process that needs to be recognized and nurtured in order to be managed. But fear not. Through my own anxiety journey, I have developed a five-step process that I found to be incredibly healing for me as I learned to maintain my anxiety at a manageable level.
As a health and wellness coach for anxiety, it is my mission to help you grow and thrive in ways that were previously holding you back. Here is my five-step process for overcoming anxiety and fear:
Acceptance
Accept your anxiety. Trying to resist or avoid your anxiety often causes it to worsen, as you are giving it more power to be in control. Instead of trying to shove it away, allow your anxiety to hold the space it needs so you can actively heal and grow.
Understand that anxiety might be something that never fully goes away. Your anxiety may stay with you for the rest of your life, especially if it is something you have been dealing with for a long time. However, by properly channeling your energy into a healthy acceptance process, you are taking the first step to manage your anxiety so it no longer interferes with your everyday life.
Through the acceptance process, tension is released as you remove anxiety’s power and put yourself back in control. This was one of the biggest steps forward for me in my anxiety journey. Once I accepted it, I allowed myself to learn how to manage it. We cannot manage something if we deny its existence.
Understanding
Fear is manifested through a lack of understanding, as you can’t control something you don’t understand. Research anxiety inside and out. By understanding what it is, how it affects your body, and what you experience during times of panic, you are removing “the fear of the unknown.” You know what’s happening to your body, you know where it’s coming from, and you know why it’s there.
Think of it this way - imagine you looked in the mirror one day and saw your mouth was completely blue. If you had no idea how it turned blue, or where it came from, you might begin to feel concerned about what’s happening to your body. However, if you were in that same situation but knew you had just finished eating a blue candy, knew it had turned your mouth blue before, and knew that the colour was simply caused by food colorig and would go away once you brushed your teeth, that fear would more than likely be eliminated.
Understand what your body feels like when you get anxious - is it a tightness in your chest, butterflies, tight shoulders? Understand where these feelings come from. What patterns do you notice when you start to feel anxious? Understand what kind of anxiety you are dealing with.
Find the root
Here’s where we start getting down to the really uncomfortable stuff. (We’re going to get MORE uncomfortable? Trust me, I get it. I know it’s all uncomfortable, but it’s worth it.)
Finding the root cause of your anxiety and fears is such an important aspect of learning how to properly manage it. Again, this ties into the idea of you can’t control something you don’t understand. It’s important to figure out where your anxiety initially comes from. Can you remember where it started? When was the first time you can recall feeling anxious?
A lot of people tend to avoid this step because it requires us to dig deep into unpleasant memories and feelings. However, this is when the breakthroughs start to happen.
It’s your “ah-ha” moment as everything starts to connect and make sense. The root cause of your anxiety is the underlying reason why certain situations and experiences make you feel anxious. You know when you start to feel anxious “for no reason?” More often than not, it’s because your root cause is triggering that anxious response, even if you aren’t consciously aware of it.
While the initial triggering situation may no longer exist, the feelings that developed from it have entwined themselves in your self-definition and reactionary responses. You cannot truly begin to heal or manage your anxiety until you find the root of what’s causing it.
How can you learn to find the root of your anxiety? Journaling and meditation while asking clarifying questions are excellent ways to start looking inward for answers. Ask yourself:
What is the first memory I can recall being anxious?
Why was I anxious?
What do I think this means?
Ask yourself “why” seven times
Observe, Don’t Identify
This step is a bit long, but it is crucial for the healing process! So, grab a nice cup of tea, settle in, and let’s continue.
For so much of your life, you have defined yourself based on your traumatic experiences. Now that you have found the root of your anxiety, you no longer need to identify with those negative experiences. Rather, simply be an observer.
It is natural that when you begin to feel anxious, your traumatic experiences will try to take control again. However, you are now aware of where these feelings are stemming from and what they are. Allow them to hold the space they need (remember, trying to push your anxiety away does more harm than good), but now you may choose to simply observe them as feelings, as opposed to identifying that you are those feelings. A great way to begin separating observing from identifying is through language choice.
Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” say, “I am experiencing anxiety.” Recognize that you are not your anxiety, you are simply feeling emotions that are associated with anxiety. By changing the relationship from “I am” to “I am observing,” you allow yourself to create distance between your identity and anxiety.
Start labelling your emotions. Labelling your emotions will help the thinking brain become more activated during the fight or flight response, which is triggered through feelings of anxiety. By moving from a highly emotional state to a more logical state, you will be able to think through situations more clearly during times of angst.
Learn to accept your feelings, but do not become them. Remember, human beings are energy, and emotions are simply energy in motion. When we begin to identify with our emotions, we believe we become them.
Becoming an observer rather than an identifier takes practice, so don’t be hard on yourself if you catch yourself identifying now and then. You must untrain the old habit of identifying with the new habit of observing, which takes time. Be patient with the process, and be patient with yourself. You already took the first step by becoming aware of your identifying habits, and that’s huge!
Have Support
Healing from anxiety is not a process that you need/should go through on your own. A strong support system makes a world of a difference. Whether it’s a therapist, a health coach, or close family and friends, it’s so important to surround yourself with people you understand and support you. Remember, experiencing feelings of anxiety is not a flaw in your identity, because it is not a part of your identity at all. It is simply an emotion you are learning to manage, and your support system should understand and respect your healing process.
If there are people in your life who do not understand anxiety, recognize that they may simply be uneducated on the subject and therefore do not know how to properly offer support. Educate them, or help them find resources where they can educate themselves. If they do not wish to try to understand, then you may want to consider if they are someone who should be in your life at this time.
If you are unable to find a strong support system with the people currently in your life, join Facebook groups or local support meetings for individuals experiencing a similar journey.
It’s important to choose a support system that makes you feel valued and safe. It is necessary to be vulnerable to the right people in order to heal. Sharing your story and trusting your authenticity will help you to feel less alone, connect with and inspire others, and allow you to realize the strength in your unique journey.
Love and light,
Julia
